Reflection on Mrs Chatterjee Vs Norway

Fighting is usually a bad thing but there is one kind of fight that is noble and great – A Fight of love – a fight for justice.

Recently I watched the movie Mrs. Chatterjee Vs Norway which is based on the true story of Sagarika Chakraborty – an Indian immigrant mother whose children were forcefully taken away by a Child welfare agency and placed in Fostering. Initially it appears that cultural differences like force feeding, sharing beds and spouse not helping with chores at home as reasons for declaring them as unfit parents. But it turns out that these differences were merely used as a pretext to target immigrant or poor families. Reason?

The cited child welfare agency is a participant of an organized crime to which many parties are partners including lawyers and teachers. To meet the demand for children from rich families without children in Norway, there is motivation to place such targets into fostering to supply such demand. The agency makes a lot of money in placing each child into fostering.

I was so shocked to see how the case proceeded throughout the movie. While some compassion was shown by one or two people along the way for the desolate mother, the agency is so much more powerful and conniving to use false evidence misconstrued against the family that she kept losing the case. Debika Chatterjee – the character played by Rani Mukherjee is faced with painful disappointment each time after being given hope that her children will be returned.

What was unnerving to watch was how apathetic her own husband was to the situation as he cared more about getting his citizenship without hindrances. So he preferred to stay put rather than make any efforts to get his children back. Citizenship over children? No, I would say. But let’s just say he is thinking about the long run and believes he would get the children back and is thinking of the best interest of the family as a whole. So maybe that is acceptable. But when his wife pleads to hire a private lawyer, he refuses. Now that is money over children. Anirudh Chatterjee, a character of misguided values. I felt bad for him for it appeared his parents didn’t teach him any better. Throwing in a Disclaimer here to say that I do not know if this is true of the real story and these comments are not aimed at any real person but merely at how the story plot framed the husband’s character in the movie.

But the mother Debika, however, has nothing else in front of her eyes, but her children. Her character was so inspiring that I couldn’t get her or the story out of my head for a whole weekend and beyond. There were several things I learnt and reflected upon from it that I felt compelled to write about it.

Obedience to authority.

Culturally husbands have authority over wives in India. While dynamics have changed over time, this is still prevalent in India or even other countries based on personality, family background etc. I inferred that she is typically a wife subject to her husbands authority based on the fact that even though he physically assaulted her in the past, she continues to live with him and serve him and never brought up the idea of divorce. But she did not care about the authority of her husband over her when it came to the situation where he was clearly not making the right choices. She displayed the courage to do the right thing. It is good to be obedient to authority. But this story awakens us to the reality that, we must question authority at times.

Following the Law

I’m big on following rules. Rules are good. We need rules to live. But law is not always fair. Even today there is law that violates, law that deprives, law that extorts. Not all of them are in the best interest of people. And She did not hesitate to break the Norwegian law when she kidnaps her children (wait actually rescues) and crosses borders to Sweden and beats up a police officer when he tries to take them away. It was beautiful to watch her operate out of blind love. Again love and courage play a big part here that would make a simple home-maker like Mrs. Chatterjee do such brave acts, all out of love for her children. Even though it was not a well thought out plan, I would still applaud her for this act, as had she had enough social and family support she could have gotten her children back through this act. I would never encourage anyone to break the law and that is not the message here as that has its own bitter consequences, which Mrs. Chatterjee had to face as well. But my point here is to merely admire her brave and blind love that made her so such things. But anyone can fight for the right laws.

Assertiveness

She speaks up out of turn at a political meeting and questions the Indian government’s support in the situation. She was not afraid of the consequences and she did not know if she would get their support. But I noticed her intelligence here. She pre-planned her presence at the meeting and asked for help publicly and in front of the press. This finally opens the doors to the children being released from the holds of Norway.

Persistence

Even when all her efforts backfired, she never gave up. Because she knew she was the only true advocate for her children. She knocks all doors relentlessly. She did her part. For the children whose voice will not stand a chance.

Taking action against injustice

The most important lesson for me here was that, It is easier to avoid conflict by taking no action in the pretext of maintaining peace but extreme situations require action that invites conflict from all sides and we need to muster the courage to fight back.

Right intentions will always be blessed with victory at the end against all odds.

Hats off to the real hero… Sagarika- an inspiration to all.

An excellent movie that I recommend watching!

# realheroesdontwearcapes

No agendas

Sarina was so excited to meet Mother Walrus. She got ready for school and was thrilled to be escorted by her teacher to the special meeting. She and a few others had been hand picked by the school to participate in this initiative. She has so many ideas to change the world. During the drive there, She dreamt of how her ideas and work would be noticed. Maybe there would be a newspaper article and she would become famous! After all she always did have a passion for helping the world in some way. The area of climate change was close to her heart. She wanted to focus on reducing the use of plastic.

Photo Credit: Oceanwide Expeditions

She skimmed the notes she had written down. Perhaps they could raise funds to come up with non-plastic take out boxes and cutlery and offer it to restaurants for free. She also considered designing a cardboard crate that can be used to hold fruits and vegetables before billing them at grocery stores to avoid the plastic bags.

Mother Walrus was a climate change activist with several years of experience and she would surely be impressed by these ideas, she thought. And if she isn’t, she had a whole speech planned for convincing her on why her ideas were important. She definitely had to make her case since there was good competition against the other smart students who were part of the project.

They finally arrived and when they got down, Mother Walrus greeted them warmly by the sea shore where she lived. There were a group of sea animals hanging out at a distance but we hopped on to a broken boat where the meeting would take place away from the crowds.

All the students took turns in presenting their ideas one by one. She was all pumped up with energy and ready with her long list of ideas. She was pleased with the way she presented when her turn was done. After all students presented, Mother Walrus was to speak. Sarina fidgeted in her seat eager to listen to her wisdom and teaching. The moment finally arrived: Mother Walrus, cleared her throat and simply said, “I’m very thankful for this opportunity and glad I can be a part of it. I will let the children take the lead on the ideas. I have no agendas.”

An informal discussion took place at this point on how to move forward with the project based on all ideas presented. But Sarina’s mind was still stuck on what Mother Walrus had said…

I will let the children take the lead on the ideas. I have no agendas.

Can you believe she said that? Mother Walrus- the climate change activist said that. She had no agendas on a climate change project she was to work on with students! That just sounded really generous. Generous with her knowledge, generous with her time, generous with her good intentions. That’s how Sarina saw it.

She was tongue-tied by the gesture and it’s impact. She tried to stomach the beauty and weight of those words. Here she was letting herself think that she was going to change the world and become famous and feeling all self-righteous about her helping tendencies. But this person who knows so much more, who can offer so much more, who has done so much more, had no agendas and was willing to serve unselfishly, to give without expectations, to work without being seen. Beautiful.

She learnt something very important from her that day. Making a difference does not have to be big, loud and fancy. There was no need to compete for credit and agendas don’t need to be owned. But it could simply be to make yourself available for a cause that you care about. Period. “No agendas”.

My mind is full of…- Part 1

I felt tiny hints of joy dancing around in my brain.

My mind is full of…What?

Looking into your mind – A 3 step mindfulness practice

Photo credit: @wordspenspoken

1. Slow down no matter how busy you are

2. Watch your breath come in and go out. Don’t control it. Do this for 5 minutes

3. Become aware of what’s on your mind

Practice Mindfulness 😊

I Appreciate your presence here. My best to you. ❤️ @wordspenspoken

The “I hate you incident” at a preschool – An inspiring story I heard.

My heartfelt Praises for a Teacher- A head of school, who would call the parents of a student for saying “I hate you” to a couple of other kids, all in a preschool classroom.

I would have never thought this was a big deal that warranted calling the kid’s parents, especially when the other kids seemed fine with it (maybe not in their hearts, but since when did people care so much about that?)

Reasons why I thought it wasn’t a big deal:

. Growing up, I have said “I hate you” to my older brother a million times and it didn’t mean I was bullying him or was ever a bully at school to other kids. I think it’s just an expression of anger or resentment towards another when a kid is at a loss for better words.

. I had gotten so accustomed to subtle bullying stories I hear when I interview middle schoolers affected by bullying, where teachers may not even come to know what is happening in their absence. I think by the time kids move on to middle school, we as a community have lost the opportunity to teach kids how to treat others. It is no longer in the teacher’s control. Parents are doing their best and unfortunately have no control over other parents. It happens day in and day out to the meek, the quiet, the different, the dull, the slow, the one who doesn’t comply, the list goes on…

. In the elementary school setting, I had interviewed a parent once, and she told me how the norm was to not blow up any mistreatment that happens to kids because going to the teachers may result in the teachers mistreating the child. Sadly. I love teachers. I understand it may not always be easy for them. According to me, what they do is the most noble profession whatsoever. Possibly they need more support and empowerment from society at large.

Amidst many more similar hearsay’s and amidst the frequent and heart-breaking violence that goes on around us today, this “I hate you incident” was refreshing and cheered my heart.

It stood out as a beautiful story of a teacher who cared to teach the more important aspects of life from a very young age- Compassion, Love, Respect, Boundaries and Communication.

I knew right away that this had to be written down and published somewhere, to cheer other hearts like mine. There is despair in the News everyday. There is some hope here, and there is still some hope out there.

I loved how she stood
. Not to minimize as small or insignificant
. Not wait for reactions to get intense before reacting
. Not assume it didn’t hurt anyone
. Not ignore because that was easier to do
. Not not care because it was not her children
. Not dismiss because she has a syllabus to cover and a schedule to keep.

So, when I interviewed five year old Ray on the day of the incident, he gleefully shared with me “I got candy today cos Jay didn’t treat me right, he said “I hate you”, and Ms. D opened a special box and gave me and Moe a Candy!!!”

When I went on to interview Ms. D herself, I asked her, why she as the head of school paid so much attention to this incident. She told me she cared deeply about the issue of bullying. She told me that the teachers were to alert her if certain inappropriate words were used by children that were characteristic of bullying and she would go into the class to talk to the children. This way the children who used hate-words would understand that the consequence of expressing their feelings in that manner, meant that Ms. D would show up and talk to them about it. The child would be told why he/she should not do that. And since the parents get notified of the incident, the child is also likely to get a talk from them. All these steps are taken to reinforce that the said behavior and words are unacceptable. Without reactions and consequences we cannot teach children the difference between what is appropriate and what is inappropriate, what is acceptable and what is unacceptable.

Just from this short report, I understood Ms. D’s dedication and character at a deeper level. I saw that she genuinely loved and cared for all the kids in her school including the one who misbehaved. Because he needed to be taught. He needed to be taught right now at the age of 5 that speaking hate to another is not ok.

A great teacher, teaches appropriate behavior and moral values and not just math, science, arts and the like. Thank you Ms. D for taking the time to do that and having your heart in standing for Bullying Prevention and Non-violence.

This short story is not to criticize or judge anyone that falls short for whatever reason in teaching, protecting, supporting or loving children but it is to glorify, appreciate and applaud the one who did, the ones who are doing it and the ones who will do it.

This is a cause that needs much attention from our society, our world. My love to all children, parents and teachers. ❤️

(Based on a true story)

I appreciate your presence with me here. My best to you. ❤️ @wordspenspoken

Contentment – Is the grass greener in the Little Mermaid’s Castle?

There will be boring days, there will be exciting days and that’s just how everyone’s life is. Duh! ​But hey, we all need reminders.

Amanda had had a long…hard… day. As she wiped down the last stretch of the kitchen countertops, inhaling the gentle lemon scent of the disinfectant spray, she yawned several times. It was one of those days when she was too tired to do one more thing before she went to bed.

However, just like every other day, she knew she had to push herself through, until all responsibilities were done. When she was almost there at the finish line (Yoo-hoo, Woo-hoo!!), she was both looking forward and not looking forward to this one – a Talk-cuddle time with her 8 year old daughter Sarah before kissing her goodnight.

Amanda always tried her best to be present and enthusiastic for this activity, since there was something about these ten minutes that made her daughter open up and connect with her like no other time of the day. Her pediatrician told her back in the day when Sarah was a toddler that, this one-to-one time with the child at bed-time would go a long way in their relationship.

Today it was a real effort and she wished she could have just had this talk earlier in the day when she wasn’t as tired or sleepy. But she knew in her heart that there was a mental release in both of them at the end of the day and an intimacy and quietness that could not be recreated at other times or at other places.

Not wanting to compromise, Amanda resigned into her daughter’s bouncy queen bed and snuggled under the covers. Leaning her back against the pillow, she took a deep breath as she wished for a small escape from her mundane days that involved the same routine every day- of cooking, dishes, cleaning, taking care of the needs of her husband Eric and of course the center of their world- Sarah. The scent of lavender from her daughters hair seemed somewhat calming and helped her unwind.

Her thoughts wandered and her heart yearned for some excitement at the possibility of living a magical life – maybe the life of a princess. Not just a human princess – no that would be too ordinary – how about a mermaid turned princess? Now that sounded satisfying in Amanda’s brain. It involved magic, love and excitement. She casually mentioned to her daughter as they got ready for their talk-time, “Wouldn’t it be really exciting to be a mermaid princess like Ariel?”

Art by Sana. Art edited using Clip 2 Comic.

Sarah thought for a moment. Her answer to come would stun Amanda. Her sweet little girl had grown on so many levels. When Sarah was younger, this bed-time routine involved a story-time with Amanda reading books to her. But Sarah was now an avid reader and always read books before bedtime herself.

Sarah bluntly remarked to her mother’s comment on Ariel’s life, being an exciting prospect: “Ariel had issues. She was a mermaid, but she was so curious about the life on the shore that she lied to her dad and sneaked up to the shore. She fell in love with a human prince and wanted to change from being mermaid to human so she could get married to him. She was not happy where she was.”

Amanda was now wide eyed at the realization of how people struggle with being happy where they are! And her own life didn’t feel as bad anymore once she realized that Ariel’s wasn’t perfect either. Ariel’s story was not real, but hers was and she had the choice to appreciate the good things. And all from her little baby girl’s perspective!

There will be boring days, there will be exciting days and that’s just how everyone’s life is. Duh! But hey, we all need reminders.

And so, Amanda realized that the grass was not greener on the other side, it was just the bad angle that made it appear so. She just had to look longer at her own side of grass, water it when needed and enjoy the growth!

This was a sweet little moment for her. She felt warm love and affection in her heart and remembered how lucky she was for her family and how she loved them and everything about them.

Amanda cheerfully declared “You’re right sweetie!!!, you are so RIGHT!” She thanked Sarah for her wise words, gave her a tight hug, told her how proud she was of her and how much she loved her.

After she kissed her goodnight, she said, I’m as happy as I can possibly be, right where I am.

-Based on a true story-

Appreciate your presence here. My best to you. ❤️ @wordspenspoken