My heartfelt Praises for a Teacher- A head of school, who would call the parents of a student for saying “I hate you” to a couple of other kids, all in a preschool classroom.
I would have never thought this was a big deal that warranted calling the kid’s parents, especially when the other kids seemed fine with it (maybe not in their hearts, but since when did people care so much about that?)
Reasons why I thought it wasn’t a big deal:
. Growing up, I have said “I hate you” to my older brother a million times and it didn’t mean I was bullying him or was ever a bully at school to other kids. I think it’s just an expression of anger or resentment towards another when a kid is at a loss for better words.
. I had gotten so accustomed to subtle bullying stories I hear when I interview middle schoolers affected by bullying, where teachers may not even come to know what is happening in their absence. I think by the time kids move on to middle school, we as a community have lost the opportunity to teach kids how to treat others. It is no longer in the teacher’s control. Parents are doing their best and unfortunately have no control over other parents. It happens day in and day out to the meek, the quiet, the different, the dull, the slow, the one who doesn’t comply, the list goes on…
. In the elementary school setting, I had interviewed a parent once, and she told me how the norm was to not blow up any mistreatment that happens to kids because going to the teachers may result in the teachers mistreating the child. Sadly. I love teachers. I understand it may not always be easy for them. According to me, what they do is the most noble profession whatsoever. Possibly they need more support and empowerment from society at large.
Amidst many more similar hearsay’s and amidst the frequent and heart-breaking violence that goes on around us today, this “I hate you incident” was refreshing and cheered my heart.
It stood out as a beautiful story of a teacher who cared to teach the more important aspects of life from a very young age- Compassion, Love, Respect, Boundaries and Communication.
I knew right away that this had to be written down and published somewhere, to cheer other hearts like mine. There is despair in the News everyday. There is some hope here, and there is still some hope out there.
I loved how she stood
. Not to minimize as small or insignificant
. Not wait for reactions to get intense before reacting
. Not assume it didn’t hurt anyone
. Not ignore because that was easier to do
. Not not care because it was not her children
. Not dismiss because she has a syllabus to cover and a schedule to keep.So, when I interviewed five year old Ray on the day of the incident, he gleefully shared with me “I got candy today cos Jay didn’t treat me right, he said “I hate you”, and Ms. D opened a special box and gave me and Moe a Candy!!!”
When I went on to interview Ms. D herself, I asked her, why she as the head of school paid so much attention to this incident. She told me she cared deeply about the issue of bullying. She told me that the teachers were to alert her if certain inappropriate words were used by children that were characteristic of bullying and she would go into the class to talk to the children. This way the children who used hate-words would understand that the consequence of expressing their feelings in that manner, meant that Ms. D would show up and talk to them about it. The child would be told why he/she should not do that. And since the parents get notified of the incident, the child is also likely to get a talk from them. All these steps are taken to reinforce that the said behavior and words are unacceptable. Without reactions and consequences we cannot teach children the difference between what is appropriate and what is inappropriate, what is acceptable and what is unacceptable.
Just from this short report, I understood Ms. D’s dedication and character at a deeper level. I saw that she genuinely loved and cared for all the kids in her school including the one who misbehaved. Because he needed to be taught. He needed to be taught right now at the age of 5 that speaking hate to another is not ok.
A great teacher, teaches appropriate behavior and moral values and not just math, science, arts and the like. Thank you Ms. D for taking the time to do that and having your heart in standing for Bullying Prevention and Non-violence.
This short story is not to criticize or judge anyone that falls short for whatever reason in teaching, protecting, supporting or loving children but it is to glorify, appreciate and applaud the one who did, the ones who are doing it and the ones who will do it.
This is a cause that needs much attention from our society, our world. My love to all children, parents and teachers. ❤️
(Based on a true story)
I appreciate your presence with me here. My best to you. ❤️ @wordspenspoken
Words Penspoken 