Have you heard of The prison of Ressentimento’? I bet you have not. Because there is no building, no law enforcement that imprisons you for an offense or crime and no terms to the duration of your sentence. I wonder whether that makes it better or worse.
It is the invisible, intangible prison of Resentment. It cannot be seen by the naked eye and you or anyone around you don’t even know that you have been imprisoned in it. Most are in there for years until death does them apart, without realizing. In the interim they have lost their joy of living. They have Lost many aspects of their life they could have enjoyed if they were free.
The good part is, it is not said there is no freedom from this prison. The keys are in our own hands. Well, it is not that easy, more like the keys are in our minds and in our hearts.
Letting go of resentment is not easy. But here is some great advice I came across on Psychology today and the excerpt that caught my attention and gave me hope (article linked below).
“According to Nietzsche, resentment comes from a lack of reactiveness at the moment in which the wound is inflicted. The more a person is active, strong-willed, and dynamic, the less place and time is left for contemplating reasons to feel resentful. Resentment arises because we don’t give ourselves space to react to something that felt hurtful and disrespectful in the past, and we want to make amends for it in the present.”
What I learnt form this is, it is never justified to hold onto resentment. If you did not react when the injustice or unfair treatment happened to you in the past, then you and only you are responsible for the outcomes and not others. So you have to take responsibility and be accountable for a choice you made
Inaction becomes a choice made passively. But it is still yours. It helps to journal these things, as truly as I wrote this line, I felt a click in my brain that made me feel happy that at least it was my own choice and no one forced me into that.
But sometimes we choose not to react because we have no strength or support to act. Sometimes we did not have courage back then but now we do. Note that I’m not saying don’t act if unfair treatment is happening to you right now. But if circumstances have changed for the better but you still resent something of the past, then you have to let that go, as it serves no purpose.
Also, you want to keep your heart and mind clear in the present to make sure you do not actively or passively engage in the hidden construction of resentment inside of you. If you are not ok with something, talk about it even if it opens the door to conflict. Because if you miss this opportunity in the now, then it is on you and you can no longer blame the other party for your losses and sacrifices in the future.
This is difficult to do, but if you understand what I’m saying about the damage that resentment has done to you, is doing to you and to your relationships with people you value, then you know it is worth it.
So stay on top of this my friend, whoever you are. You have my support. Don’t let anyone treat you badly. Speak out. Stand up for yourself and tell people what you truly think. Don’t settle for less. Don’t compromise where your heart is not aligned. And don’t be in a relationship that harms you more than you can handle even after you have done your due diligence and maxed out your efforts.
Also remember when you start speaking up for the first time, it is not going to fix everything. Relationships taken time to heal. So don’t give up. You may have to tell people repeatedly about what you feel and what you are going through because nobody else knows or cares enough. But you can get your loved ones to care through relentless repetitive communication. You owe that to yourself.
And here is my favorite part of the article:
“So, if you can look at what you resent the most and try to give yourself what you think has been taken away from you, you can find your way out of this consuming feeling.”
Healing can be a difficult process when it places you time and again outside your comfort zone. But there are parts of healing that are motivating and encouraging as the step recommended in the excerpt above.
Are you able to give yourself what you have lost in the past? If you said yes, you are in a great spot in your path to healing. Write it down if you must each time you give yourself or ask for the things that were taken away and you get it. When resentment hits, go back and read your notes of all the gains that balanced the losses and get yourself out of that prison because you no longer have to be trapped in there.
Trust the journey. Set yourself free.
Words Penspoken 